5:30 a.m Central Montana
I’m currently being hosted on a 13,000-acre central-Montana ranch with private access to one of the most unique and trout-rich streams in the West. But I’m not fishing.
This time I’m on a hunt as part of Benelli’s On Assignment, a weekly, half-hour TV show that airs on the Outdoor Channel.
The Ranch is sweet, with rolling, timbered hills and broad, grassy mountains, all connected by heavily timbered and rocky canyons. It’s loaded with wild turkey, mule deer, and huge elk, with black bear, mountain lion, bobcat and, possibly, even a few wolves and grizzlies in the shadows.
It’s a foregone conclusion that I’ll take a buck on this trip, having passed up, oh, say, 20 of them yesterday. The question is, which type of animal will I shoot?
A decent one.
You see, I’m here as part of a grand management experiment, signed on to shoot a deer with quirky antlers. I can’t shoot the best buck I see, not even a solid, even four-by-four (a mule deer with four even points on each side). Instead I have to shoot the freak, meaning a deer with two or three points on one side and however many points on the other side. The host of the show, Joe Coogan, who shot an enormous bull elk two days ago, gets to shoot the grande. I’m feeling like this will be an unforgettable fall for him. By bagging a “cull” buck I’ll contribute to diminishing the unique animals from the herd, allowing the ranch to provide more “trophy” buck in the future. I’m feeling slightly Arian by doing so, but game managers assure this is a positive management tactic.
I’m not used to this. Do you know how difficult it is to hear the guide say, “Don’t shoot that giant-ass six-point bull?” Do you know how demanding it is to take the crosshairs off the biggest mule deer buck you’ve ever seen, especially when it’s standing 80 yards away, broadside, munching grass or staring at a doe? That’s my dilemma.
So what, I ask, would the TV crew and guide do if, by mistake of course, I whacked the wrong animal?
“What,” I might feign. “I shot the big one?”
“Yea, Thomas,” the guide might spit. “You shot the giant buck that the host was supposed to shoot. That was the biggest buck on the ranch!”
Getting after it in central Montana.
“Well,” I might respond, “I aimed at a forkhorn. What’s wrong with this rifle?” I’d finish with this offensive jab: “Well, now that it’s done, we can’t undue it. Do you know of any good taxidermists around here?”
I’m climbing into a cammo Hummer in a few moments for a day in the field and I’ll check in with all of you later today or early tomorrow. If I do, in fact, shoot crooked, I may be making this post from a local motel, not from the lodge, where massive deer and elk hang from the beams and gorgeous Ken Carlson paintings adorn the walls. As they say around here, “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do” and that may be the case today.