Tonic friend and fellow editor Kirk Deeter just penned his pick for America’s rudest rivers, meaning those waters with a habit of treating anglers badly. I have my opinions that include every steelhead stream flowing into Puget Sound in Washington state, but I could add to that list from the northern Rockies, where I live.
How about the lower Bitterroot the other day, in prime conditions, with the temperature above freezing, in water that flowed at the perfect depth and speed—and I got nothing. Not a tap, not a true pull…not even from a whitefish. The jury is out on the ‘root. How about central Montana’s Smith River, which can blow out with mud a few hours after you’ve launched on your dreamy five-day float. There’s no turning back, so if the mud arrives, you better have plenty of provisions along for the ride. What about the Clearwater and its steelhead. They can be there in big numbers, but some days they just don’t eat. Try to figure it out and you’ll drive yourself crazy. That’s why I usually fish the Salmon River for steelhead. That river is more forgiving. There’s also Washington’s Yakima where fluctuating flows often blow the river out and make trout tight-lipped. I could go on and the truth is, all rivers are moody and have their moments of anger. The fortunate thing is this: all rivers also have their moments of generosity, too. Or else wouldn’t even be out there, right?
Even deep in Yellowstone you'll find rivers that hand you your ass on occasion. This one offers big, picky rainbows and you can go through days on this water before hooking into a fattie, like I'm fighting here.
Here are Deeter’s picks, straight from the pages of Field & Stream.com
The other day I watched a television news report on “rudest cities” in America. According toTravel + Leisure, New York City supplanted Los Angeles for the top spot on the list. Miami was second. For the record, I love New York, and not just because my bosses work there. I’m energized when I visit New York. I even respect the Yankees. Granted, I live where I do (Pine, Colorado) for a reason, but the Big Apple has always been a great place to visit.
I find it hard to set a “rude standard” based on people. I mean, in a city of 18 million, sure you might bump into a jerk now and then, but one bad egg in a place like Bozeman or Little Rock could skew the data too, couldn’t it?
With people and personalities being such a wildcard, I think “rude” (and by that I mean someone or something that shows no regard or consideration for the visitor whatsoever) is almost better focused on natural things. There are, for example, mountain slopes that experienced climbers find just plain “rude.” There are waves to surf, and many are very kind indeed, but certain breaks are undoubtedly “rude.” And when it comes to fly fishing, some rivers don’t give a rip who you are, where you’re from, how good you are, or what you paid to get there. It’s all about themselves. As such, I got to thinking about the “rudest” rivers for fly fishers in America, and here’s the list I came up with, starting at number 10:
10.) The North Umpqua in Oregon: This river is drop-dead gorgeous, but such a shameless tease. To earn even a peck on the cheek during winter steelhead season is enough to drive anyone crazy.
9.) The Yellowstone in Montana: Nearby, the Madison and the Gallatin are
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